I do not think it is coincidence that the organ sounds dreadful. I find it ironic that the song, although beautifully written, is here performed in a manner that it, too, must be endured.
I wish now to speak on faith.
I have a lot of great hopes at this moment in time. But the future, although brightly shining in the distance, lacks any degree certianty. And it is driving me plumb crazy.
I have a document saved to my desktop entitled 'Wait List'. I open it everyday to reveal the outlined, two-columned list of things I am waiting for. It is specific. Things like 'comps exam score' and 'job offer'. Vain repititions while praying has become standard practice as of late. I feel fairly confident in saying the day I get to scratch off one of those wait-list items just may be one of the most glorious scratchings I will have ever done. If I don't pass my exams I will crawl in a hole and hide for a few months. Have my family bring me Golden Grahams for sustenence. If I don't get a job in the near future, and if having the IRS chase me down and haul me away for defaulting on my student loans doesn't suffice, I will go ahead and haul myself away. There's nothing like impending debt to make one thuper-duper exthited to join the work-force. Which actually could be exciting if there were still, indeed, a 'work-force' to join.
Ah, but what of faith?
On our walk today (McCallister park is now a favorite of mine) I shared with Zacho my finalized thoughts on all the waiting mumbo jumbo we've been mulling over for weeks now. I decided that I won't worry about things I can't control and I will do everything in my little itty bitty power to do daily what I can to make things happen. To keep my mind off the items outside my control, I will make to do lists. And I will let the glory of scratching away items marinate within me like a sirloin steak. That should hopefully hold me over until the next day, when I start getting panic attacks (of the mental variety only) and begin the one-two-punch on the next to do list. Everything aside from my own little scratchings will just have to get tossed into the faith-basket.
I guess Heavenly Father's got a basket full of Chrissy's future, and it is driving me plumb crazy. I can tell ya right now, I'd give my right arm to take a peek in that basket.
And I can also tell ya that this song, this song is very poignant:
I will not doubt, I will not fear;
God’s love and strength are always near.
His promised gift helps me to find
An inner strength and peace of mind.
I give the Father willingly
My trust, my prayers, humility.
His Spirit guides; his love assures
That fear departs when faith endures.
And I can also tell ya that this song, this song is very poignant:
I will not doubt, I will not fear;
God’s love and strength are always near.
His promised gift helps me to find
An inner strength and peace of mind.
I give the Father willingly
My trust, my prayers, humility.
His Spirit guides; his love assures
That fear departs when faith endures.
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5 comments:
I have bad news and good news. You will ALWAYS have a 'wait list'. But, the items won't always be so full of life altering impact.
Hang in there, enduring this will make the next set of 'wait' items seem thuper eeethy.
I'm sure we can all relate to some degree. Hang in there! The waiting is always worth it in the end. Love ya!
oh the longer the waiting, the sweeter the kiss, it's better my darlin' i promise you this...(sung in my best josh turner impression voice)...but yea patience can be a tough one.
p.s. coach pop would say "keep pounding on that rock!"
Thanks again friend! I'm going through the same stuff right now and it's so nice to know that I'm not the only one. And again, what you've written, I really needed to hear. You're amazing, and I wish we saw each other more often!
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